God vs satan

Jokes February 9th, 2009

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created Burger King, and Burger King brought forth the $3.20 double-Whopper, and Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?”, and Man said, “Super size them.”

And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.

And Woman gained pounds.

And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.”

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert.

And Woman gained pounds.
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How They Have Sex

Jokes February 9th, 2009

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C’Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can’t stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
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Girl of the day

Pictures February 9th, 2009

Girl of the day

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Barack Obama

Pictures February 9th, 2009

Barack Obama

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Oh no

Pictures February 9th, 2009

oh-no

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Code movie

Pictures February 9th, 2009

code

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i’m lovin’ it

Pictures February 9th, 2009

mcdonalds

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Warning

Pictures February 9th, 2009

warning

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American freedom

Pictures February 8th, 2009

American freedom

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UFO stereogram

Stereogrammes February 8th, 2009

UFO stereogram

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