A Queensland farmer got in his ute and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened
the door.

“Is your Dad home”? the farmer asked. “Sorry mate, he isn’t” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well,” said the farmer, “Is your mum here”? “No, sir, she’s not here either. She went into town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Greg? Is he here”? “He went with Mum and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. “Is there anything I can do for ya”? the boy asked politely. “I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment.

“You’d have to talk to Dad about that,” he finally conceded. “If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Greg.”

The Lady and the Pharmacist

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up
to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would
like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do
you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy!
I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law!
I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
“Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Tags: funny